My friend Dean is a man of letters, a scholar, a theologian and a priest but of course he is not announcing any of that because, well, he is Canadian and he is polite and kind and mildly self-effacing. He exudes humility and to sit on a bench with him in the afternoon is what it feels like to belong.
My wife Amy and I wept together as we listened to Dean tell part of his story to a small room of people, the details of a deeply difficult moment in his life. He was not trying to induce tears but nevertheless, as he testified of his troubles we could not help but feel the pangs of our own sorrows and then we could not help but outwardly rejoice as he told us of the provision of grace which God so beautifully supplied. There was a cascade of grace falling upon us as we heard Dean tell of his weakness becoming strength, fashioned in God’s own hands.
Afterwards we went to sit down next to him, to bask in the glow that comes when a person pours themselves out for the sake of others. Amy and I crept up and slowly sat down next to him with a film of salt on our smiles. And then we quietly watched as Dean’s wife Darlene came over to him, sitting down by his side, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and in an ecstatic epiphany blurted: “Dean, you gorgeous man!” and we were struck with joy by the audacity of such open affection.
Dean and Darlene, a couple in their sixties, married for decades, him bald and handsome, her taller and stunningly beautiful, with her bobbed silver hair and glasses, them together in the throes of mutual respect and celebration of each other, swimming in the depths of being profoundly moved by one another. I saw all this and then I spoke. “You two are a sign and a wonder!” and they chuckled at me. But I could not help it. I knew I was looking at my present and future with Amy and I had to testify! Seeing these older saints in love made me exceedingly glad. It made me happy to be getting older alongside Amy. I felt a deep gratitude rise up in my soul and a sense of satisfaction take root in my heart, with eyes touched by the Holy Spirit, able to see again that growing old is a gift and aging with the one you love is a wonderful way to do it.
Thank you Andy. We so enjoyed meeting you both this past weekend too. And this was a beautiful piece to read on this, our 35th anniversary!
Just yesterday I told my old man, husband of 30+years that if I could grant a wish to everyone in the world, it would be that they get to go through life with someone as compatible as we two are— someone they love deeply without reserve. This after a doozy of an argument we had a little over a week ago. Because I love him even when he’s dead wrong and I’m a little bit wrong too.